we hear encouragement to dig our heels deep into the soil of community, and it so deeply resonates with us. the most inner parts of our beings know that we were created for community. but then we step out into the sunshine, and we are hit with the reality that bundling up with others isn't as pretty as we had imagined. sometimes it is messy. often it is painful. but it is life-giving.

how easy it is to go about our days with only ourselves in mind. we are able to do as we please. we have no one to impress, and no one to let down. we can rest and relax, and do nothing, say nothing, be nothing. all of the world that we pass by can hold in their heads a pleasant and untainted view of us, because they know nothing better.

but then we step into community. at some point the facades can't help but fall away. people see what lies beneath when community cracks our shell. we feel uneasy. we see that others need us, and suddenly we cannot go about our self-centered schedules and agendas free of guilt. suddenly others' paths and schedules begin to creep into our own. it's scary. it's inconvenient. it's unsettling and nerve-racking and obnoxious, and sometime it is exhausting.

why were we created for something so difficult and uncomfortable? why can't life be simple, easy, comfortable and carefree? little chapel nestled among still rivers and green hills and birds chirping...piano melodies flowing freely and effortlessly from the pipes that echo between the panes of stained glass. not a care in the world. why can't it always be this way?

the irony of it all? because we made a decision to live greedy, self-centered lives. when we put the self first, everything fell apart. when we begin to come together, to bundle together, things begin to line up again. that discomfort? it's beautiful. wrestle with it, wallow in it. you'll have your moments of serenity. you can even have a life of inward serenity, if only you will come to terms with the fact that community will not always be what you want it to be. if only you will allow yourself to be vulnerable, and to not succumb to fear. fear of judgment and pain and rejection. you will experience these things. it will not be easy. but keep loving. love until it hurts, and then love more.